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Some people triumph over challenges no matter how insurmountable they seem. Others fall apart when encountering even tiny obstacles. The difference? Resiliency.
Resiliency is the ability to bounce back from a disappointment. The power of this essential quality is epitomized in a quote by Jon Kabat-Zinn: “You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf.”
Because nearly everyone first experiences the sting of failure at a young age, it’s crucial to help your child develop resilience as early as possible. While this powerful characteristic cannot eliminate the pain of setbacks, it can significantly reduce it.
How might changes during the teen years build resilience skills?
Resilience used to be considered an inborn quality called “intestinal fortitude” that one could invoke when overcoming challenges. From this perspective, one either has resilience or doesn’t.
Most experts now believe this viewpoint is wrong, observing that resilience can be developed through time-tested strategies, but building it is nonetheless challenging, particularly for teens. Adolescents wrestling with significant hardships experience not only the resulting psychological pain but also emotional volatility caused by raging hormones.
Teens who learn to be resilient, however, can better transcend trauma and other emotional difficulties and use them as opportunities for growth. Indeed, research shows that resilience is strongly associated with mental health in children and adolescents.
Resilient adolescents are also less likely to engage in self-destructive behaviors, such as substance abuse or self-harm.
What does resilience mean in school?
School can be stressful for teens. By teaching your child resiliency skills, you can counteract the unhealthy effects of school-related anxiety and tension. Resilient students can
- Overcome the adverse effects of bullying, avoiding psychological devastation
- Effectively handle conflicts with teachers and other students
- Cope with academic demands without feeling overwhelmed
- Transition from one school system to another with minimal stress
8 strategies for building resilience in adolescence
1. Reduce demands
When tragedy strikes, even tiny actions can seem overwhelming. Therefore, it’s best to avoid placing significant demands on your teen when they’re going through tough times. Applaud their efforts, no matter how small. Even getting out of bed in the morning can be a major achievement for an adolescent suffering a hardship.
2. Practice self-care
Because stress has both physical and psychological effects, it’s crucial that teens practice self-care by eating nutritious food, staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, and exercising regularly. These activities boost the body’s ability to respond effectively to stress, increasing resilience.
3. Foster a sense of agency
Adolescents who experience trauma or misfortune often feel that fate has it in for them, a fatalistic viewpoint that can prompt feelings of powerlessness. To restore their sense of agency, find ways to help your child feel in control of their life again. For example, if their room is messy, encourage them to clean it.
If feelings of overwhelm make a task seem too big for your teen, break it into small, manageable pieces. Or have them work on a task for brief intervals (e.g., 15 minutes a day)until it’s done.
Sometimes, teens ruminate on a problem so much that they transform it from a run-of-the-mill challenge into an overwhelming dilemma. In these cases, it’s helpful to have your child write down five workable steps toward resolving the situation. Doing this can help challenges feel more manageable.
4. Create a compelling vision of the future
Research suggests that helping children traumatized by disastrous events create a hopeful vision of the future can make them more resilient. In other words, teens with a purpose tend to be more resilient. It’s crucial to show your teen that their past doesn’t define them and that the future contains endless possibilities.
However, there’s a caveat: refrain from imposing what you want for your child’s future on them. They’re more likely to be energized by goals they’ve chosen. Here are some questions you can ask your teen to spark their thinking about what they want their future to look like:
- What do you want to achieve more than anything?
- What’s your top talent, and how can you use it to create a fulfilling life?
- Pretend you’re grown up and are living the life of your dreams. What does it look like?
Have them list two or three actions they can take to move closer to their vision. It’s also helpful to have them list the qualities they’ll have to summon or develop to make that vision real.
5. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness encourages teens to develop emotional stability, which builds resilience.
This practice helps them view thoughts from the perspective of a detached observer, which saps negative thoughts of their power. Instead of being pulled into the thought that nothing they do matters, for example, your teen can step back and develop more hopeful ways of looking at the world.
While sitting silently in formal meditation is a great way to become more mindful, it’s more effective to practice mindfulness throughout the day. This involves giving full attention to the world around us and our sensory experiences.
Practicing mindfulness helps create an unshakeable core of peace deep within. The deeper the peace, the greater a teen’s ability to withstand external challenges.
6. Challenge unproductive thought patterns
Humans are prone to catastrophize, assessing situations as much worse than they are. Because emotions arise from thoughts, regular engagement in this unproductive mental activity can cause us to wallow in misery. The worse we feel about ourselves and the world, the less resilient we become.
If your teen often catastrophizes, have them write down their thoughts when they seem to be overreacting, which will establish a connection between their thoughts and feelings. Then, have them consider whether evidence backs up their thoughts. If not, they should work to reframe them in more positive and reality-based ways.
7. Build a robust support network
How does having the support of family and friends contribute to resilience? Teens with a solid social support system tend to be more resilient because when adversity hits, they can rely on these relationships to help them through.
Unfortunately, many teens isolate themselves when enduring tough times, which can result in acute loneliness. Feeling cut off from others can lead to hopelessness or even suicidal thoughts. A supportive and empathetic peer group is a powerful antidote to such crippling social isolation. Talking with others who are going through similar experiences helps teens feel less alone in their struggles.
Spending too much time online—another common problem among today’s teens—can amplify feelings of loneliness. Though making friends on social media can be reinforcing, it’s a poor substitute for real-world relationships. Internet acquaintances can’t provide all the support and reassurance teens struggling with overwhelming challenges need.
8. Remember past strategies
Teens suffering significant setbacks sometimes feel like they don’t have what it takes to overcome obstacles successfully. If your teen is feeling inadequate, it’s important to remind them of specific times when they have triumphed over adversity and gotten back on their feet.
Encouraging your teen to tap into these memories will strengthen their resiliency by demonstrating a pattern of inner strength.
Building resilience in children and teens
In this article, we have shared some resilience activities for high school students that you can encourage at home. Sometimes, helping your teen build resilience, however, requires professional assistance. If your child becomes overwhelmed easily or has significant difficulty rebounding following mistakes or misfortunes, consider online teen therapy.
This teen-friendly alternative to in-person counseling can boost a child’s resilience and has proven effective at treating a variety of mental health conditions—including anxiety, depression, and eating disorders—that can arise from or be exacerbated by low resilience. It also offers the benefits of convenience and flexibility, as your child can receive treatment from home or anywhere else with an internet connection.
Online therapy is perfect for adolescents who find it hard to discuss their challenges in person due to social anxiety. It also eliminates the hassles of crowded waiting rooms and rush hour traffic.
Raising resilience: The key to a hopeful future
Building resilience in teens can be challenging. However, it’s worth the effort. The more resilient a teen is, the less likely they are to become immobilized by challenges, using them instead as learning opportunities.
Help your child develop this essential quality as early as possible. Resiliency will not only equip them with powerful strategies to triumph over adversity but also help them create a vibrant future with endless possibilities.