The effects of perfectionism on teen mental health
Teens and the Pressure to Be Perfect
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Have you ever asked yourself, “Why do I feel the need to be perfect?” In a world that values achievement and status, it’s no wonder so many of us struggle with this question. Relentless self-pressure can make us feel like we’re not good enough—and never will be. Even when we receive praise and recognition, we may feel unworthy because we haven’t met the impossible standards we impose on ourselves.
Perfectionism—a toxic combination of sky-high standards and a hypercritical inner voice that never quits—has been steadily rising among teens. The constant struggle to always be perfect can make even their greatest accomplishments feel hollow.
The pressure to succeed can be overwhelming for adolescents. Every day, social media platforms bombard them with images of picture-perfect relationships, impeccably styled influencers, and seemingly flawless lives. Constantly measuring their self-worth against these expectations, teens are experiencing more stress and anxiety than ever before.
The three types of perfectionism
There are three types of perfectionism: self-oriented, other-oriented, and socially prescribed.
The first is when we expect ourselves to be free from imperfections. We become our harshest critics, ripping everything we do to shreds because it fails to measure up to the unattainable ideals we’ve set. Such constant self-criticism makes it difficult to appreciate our accomplishments. We may instead find ourselves discouraged and asking, “Why do I put so much pressure on myself?”
Other-oriented perfectionism involves expecting those around us to be perfect. It can have a devastating effect on relationships because we can feel crushing disappointment when others inevitably fail to meet our standards.
Socially prescribed perfectionism is characterized by the belief that others expect us to be perfect, which creates constant pressure to meet the standards we think society, friends, and/or family have for us. Afraid of being judged poorly, those suffering this form of perfectionism strive to meet unreasonable expectations, often at the expense of their happiness.
A groundbreaking study recently uncovered just how common perfectionism is. Researchers analyzed data from 41,641 college students from the United States, Canada, and the United Kingdom who had completed the Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale, a self-report psychological assessment, between 1989 and 2016.
The findings, published in the journal Psychological Bulletin, were startling. Recent generations of college students reported significantly higher levels of perfectionism than their predecessors. From 1989 to 2016, self-oriented perfectionism scores increased by 10%. Even more striking, socially prescribed perfectionism surged by a whopping 33%, while other-oriented perfectionism rose by 16%.
The roots of teen perfectionism
From a young age, today’s teens are constantly inundated with the message that they’re only as good as their latest achievement, whether that’s getting the highest grade in class, scoring a winning touchdown, or having thousands of social media followers. This great pressure to excel often leaves them powerless to say no to a new pursuit.
Every day, adolescents also encounter dozens of carefully curated snapshots of other people’s seemingly flawless lives on platforms such as TikTok, Snapchat, and Instagram. This constant comparison breeds dissatisfaction with their own accomplishments, causing them to become increasingly critical of themselves. Believing that everyone else is leading a perfect existence, their achievements begin to seem insignificant.
This pressure to be perfect compels teens to set unrealistically high standards for themselves. Their enjoyment of activities is replaced by a constant fear of failure. Instead of celebrating their achievements, they endlessly replay shortcomings, focusing on what they could have done better.
Perfection and mental health: The emotional and physical tolls
Perfectionism can lead to depression, eating disorders, and tragically, even premature death. A recent study published in PubMed Central highlights the critical link between perfectionism and increased suicide risk among adolescents.
But the toll of perfectionism isn’t just emotional; it’s also physical. The burden of trying to meet impossible standards strains the body, leading to chronic stress that can become the root cause of other health problems. Perfectionism has been linked to high blood pressure and cardiovascular disease.
Helping your teen overcome perfectionistic tendencies
Cultivate mindfulness
Whether through meditation or other techniques, mindfulness can help teens develop a skill not taught in schools: living in the present moment. Through mindfulness training, youth can find peace in the here and now rather than trying to attain perfection in an elusive future. By stepping back and observing their thoughts objectively, they’re more likely to see how perfectionistic thinking robs them of joy and happiness.
Do a cost-benefit analysis
Encourage your teen to conduct a cost-benefit analysis to evaluate the impact of perfectionism on their life. Start by having them list its benefits. They might note that it helps them set high standards or pushes them to excel.
Then, have them list the downsides. Discuss how perfectionism prevents them from enjoying simple pleasures, such as spending time with friends or relaxing after a long day. This exercise can help them see that putting too much pressure on yourself can cause unnecessary stress and anxiety.
Focus on the positive
If your teen struggles with perfectionism, they’ve probably honed their ability to see the negative in everything. To counteract this propensity, encourage them to make a conscious effort to notice positive things. For example, when they start criticizing themselves for what they did wrong, ask them to list five things they did right.
Challenge negative self-talk
Most teenagers fail to recognize negative self-talk, unaware how often they tell themselves, “I’m not good enough” or “I always mess up.” Help your teen become more aware of their internal dialogue by having them pause periodically throughout the day and write down what they’re thinking.
Once your child is more aware of their negative self-talk, help them develop positive affirmations to counteract it. Instead of “I’m not good enough,” they can try saying, “I’m doing my best, and that’s good enough.” Encourage your teen to write out these positive affirmations and keep them somewhere they can regularly see them, such as in a journal, within a phone app, or on sticky notes on the fridge.
Visualize the worst that could happen
Challenge your teen to imagine the worst thing that could happen if they fail at a goal, such as earning an A on a chemistry test. Would they get kicked out of school? Help them see that while disappointing, failure isn’t the end of the world.
Know when to seek professional help
If your teen’s perfectionism is interfering with their daily life, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. Therapists can work with teens to identify the underlying causes of their perfectionism and teach them how to stop putting pressure on themselves.
If your teen suffers from social anxiety or can’t attend in-person counseling for other reasons, a great option is online teen therapy, which provides adolescents treatment and support from the comfort of their own homes and can effectively address any mental health issues related to perfectionism, including depression, anxiety, and eating disorders.
This virtual approach offers a sense of security and anonymity, which is especially important for teens who feel vulnerable or embarrassed when seeking help. Remote counseling also eliminates time wasted in crowded waiting rooms or stuck in traffic. Contact Modern Recovery Services for more information.
Final thoughts
Constantly striving to meet high expectations and accomplish goals is exhausting and can push a teen to the brink of collapse. If your teen is always chasing perfection, they’re bound to be disappointed. That’s because perfection is an illusion perpetuated by social forces that encourage social comparisons and value superficial accomplishments over individual happiness.
The antidote to this insatiable need for external validation is learning that true joy doesn’t come from fixating on achievements and comparisons but from being present in the here and now. By teaching adolescents that their self-worth doesn’t depend on factors outside themselves, we can help them break free from the vice-like grip of perfectionism.