Emotional Regulation: Definition, Benefits & Techniques

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Maintaining balance can be a significant challenge in a world that often feels like a rollercoaster of emotions. Emotional regulation makes it easier to temper reactions, withstand stress, and manage life’s inevitable challenges. In this guide, we define what it is, exploring its mechanisms and benefits in navigating the highs and lows of life.

What is emotional regulation?

Emotional regulation refers to managing and controlling one’s emotional responses.

It helps us respond appropriately to the ups and downs we experience.

Think of emotional regulation as having three main parts:

Getting going with emotions

This is when our feelings spark us into action. Have you ever felt so excited about a new project that you couldn’t wait to start? That’s emotional regulation at work.

Putting the brakes on emotions

Sometimes, our feelings might steer us in the wrong direction. If you’ve ever been angry and felt the urge to shout but chose to stay calm, you’ve experienced this aspect of emotional regulation.

Adjusting our emotional reactions

This part is about fine-tuning our feelings. Imagine you’re feeling down but have to go to a social event. You might try to lighten your mood so you can enjoy the occasion. That’s emotional regulation too.

This can happen automatically without realizing it, or we can consciously control it. There are also different methods we use to manage our emotions:

  • Choosing our situation: Like deciding not to watch a horror film because it’ll give you nightmares.
  • Changing the situation: If a task feels too big, ask a friend to help.
  • Shifting our focus: When stressed, you might read a book or listen to music to relax.
  • Changing our thoughts: This is about looking at the bright side of things. It’s turning a setback into a learning experience or seeing a challenge as an opportunity.
  • Influencing our responses: Like taking deep breaths to calm ourselves when nervous or smiling to help lift our mood.

Benefits of emotional regulation

Emotional regulation skills have numerous benefits, improving mental health and overall well-being. 

By practicing emotional regulation techniques, individuals can experience positive outcomes in various aspects of their lives. Here are some key benefits:

Enhanced emotional well-being

Emotional regulation empowers individuals to effectively manage their emotions, leading to increased emotional well-being and a greater sense of emotional balance. It allows individuals to navigate through challenging situations with greater resilience and adaptability.

Improved mental health

Engaging in emotional regulation practices has been shown to contribute to better mental health outcomes. Research suggests that individuals who possess strong emotional regulation skills are less likely to experience symptoms of anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders.

Healthy coping mechanisms

Emotional regulation equips individuals with healthy coping mechanisms for stress, adversity, and emotional challenges. It helps them avoid maladaptive coping strategies such as avoidance, substance abuse, or impulsive behaviors that can negatively impact mental health.

Enhanced self-awareness

By developing emotional regulation skills, individuals better understand their emotions and triggers. This heightened self-awareness allows them to identify and acknowledge their feelings in real-time, leading to better self-management and decision-making.

Improved interpersonal relationships

Emotional regulation fosters healthier and more meaningful relationships. When individuals can effectively regulate their emotions, they communicate more calmly, empathetically, and assertively. This facilitates better conflict resolution, increased empathy, and improved overall relationship satisfaction.

Enhanced cognitive functioning

Emotional regulation positively influences cognitive functioning. When individuals can regulate their emotions, they are better able to think, concentrate, and make sound judgments. This allows for improved problem-solving skills and decision-making abilities.

How does emotional regulation work?

Emotional regulation employs various strategies to manage and control your emotions effectively. These strategies can help you gain greater control over your emotional responses and navigate challenging situations more effectively.


This is one of the most effective and widely used cognitive strategies for emotional self-regulation. It involves changing the way you think about a situation or yourself to change how you feel about it. 

For example, suppose you feel anxious about giving a presentation. In that case, you can reappraise it as an opportunity to showcase your skills and knowledge rather than imagining messing up the presentation.

Studies have shown that reappraisal can help you reduce negative emotions, increase positive emotions, and enhance your well-being and performance.


This behavioral strategy involves using your senses to calm yourself down when you are distressed. 

For example, you can listen to soothing music, smell a relaxing scent, touch a soft object, taste something delicious, or look at something beautiful. 

A 2021 study revealed that self-soothing was associated with lower levels of cortisol (a stress hormone) and higher levels of positive affect (a measure of mood).

Self-soothing can also help you regulate physiological arousal, reduce stress, and increase comfort and pleasure.

Attentional control

This is a cognitive strategy that involves directing your attention to something else that is more relevant or pleasant when you are feeling overwhelmed by negative emotions

For example, you can distract yourself with a hobby or activity, focus on your breathing or bodily sensations, or practice gratitude or positive affirmations. 

Studies have shown that attentional control can help you reduce the intensity or duration of negative emotions, increase positive emotions, and improve your mood and coping.

How to practice emotional regulation for adults

Understanding and practicing emotional regulation is a vital component of mental wellness. Skillfully managing our emotional responses can enable us to navigate life’s ups and downs better. Let’s delve into the techniques, exercises, and activities you can incorporate to foster your ability to regulate emotions effectively.

Emotional regulation techniques

Techniques for emotional regulation are mental strategies consciously employed during emotionally charged situations to moderate our emotional reactions. Here are a few key techniques:

  • Mindfulness: Stay present in the moment, non-judgmentally acknowledging your emotions rather than reacting impulsively.
  • Cognitive reappraisal: Reframe or reinterpret an emotional situation to change its impact.
  • Distraction: Shift your attention away from the emotional trigger to a neutral or positive stimulus, reducing the intensity of your emotional response.

Emotional regulation exercises

Exercises for emotional regulation are proactive activities engaged regularly to enhance our capacity for regulating emotions. Some helpful exercises include:

  • Breathing exercises: Deep, controlled breathing can calm the nervous system, reducing emotional intensity.
  • Journaling: Regularly writing about your feelings can increase self-awareness, a key element in emotional regulation.
  • Meditation: Mindfulness meditation can increase your tolerance for negative emotions and reduce impulsivity.

Emotional regulation activities

Activities supporting emotional regulation often involve elements of self-care or routine. They can be:

  • Physical activity: Regular exercise releases endorphins, our body’s natural mood regulators.
  • Healthy eating: A balanced diet can stabilize blood sugar levels, influencing mood and energy positively.
  • Social interaction: Connecting with loved ones can provide emotional support and relieve stress, aiding emotional regulation.

Emotional regulation examples

Let’s consider some hypothetical scenarios better to understand the concept of emotional regulation and its application.

Handling criticism at work

Meet Alex, a diligent graphic designer who takes immense pride in his work. One day, his boss critiques a project he’s poured hours into, pointing out multiple flaws. 

Alex feels angry and disappointed but resists the urge to retort defensively. Instead, he takes a moment, breathes deeply, and processes his emotions. 

Applying cognitive reappraisal, he reframes the criticism, viewing it as a valuable opportunity to improve his skills rather than a personal attack.

Managing stress in traffic

Consider Lily, who’s caught in a traffic jam on her way to an important meeting. As the minutes tick away, stress creeps in, threatening to overwhelm her. 

Rather than giving in to panic or road rage, Lily implements emotional regulation techniques. She focuses on deep, calming breaths to soothe her body, then applies problem-solving, figuring out whether she can take an alternate route or should call ahead to notify about her delay.

Navigating relationship conflicts

Sam and his partner are in a heated argument about a recurring issue. The conversation escalates quickly, and Sam feels a surge of anger. 

But instead of letting his emotions control him and saying something he may regret, he suggests a temporary break from the discussion. After calming down, he returns to express his feelings and perspectives in a clear, controlled manner.

Emotional regulation for different age groups

Emotional regulation skills are adaptable and beneficial for all age groups. The methods might differ according to age, but the core principles remain the same. Let’s explore how emotional regulation can be practiced in different stages of life.

Emotional regulation for kids

Young children are just beginning to understand and identify their emotions. Developing emotional regulation skills during this stage can form a strong foundation for their future mental health. Here are some strategies:

  • Feelings vocabulary: Teach them to express their feelings verbally. Introduce them to a broad range of emotion words.
  • Emotion faces: Use pictures of faces expressing different emotions and ask children to match their feelings to these faces.
  • Cool-down corners: Create a calm space in the home or classroom where kids can cool down when they feel overwhelmed.

Emotional regulation for teens

Teenagers often grapple with heightened emotions due to hormonal changes. Emphasizing emotional regulation can help them manage these intense feelings more effectively:

  • Journaling: Encourage teens to write about their emotions, helping them to process and understand their feelings.
  • Mindfulness: Teach mindfulness techniques to help them stay present and avoid getting swept up in negative emotional spirals.
  • Problem-solving: Equip teens with problem-solving skills to deal with emotional challenges constructively.

Emotional regulation for adults

Adults face a multitude of stressors that can trigger a variety of emotions. Effective emotional regulation strategies can support mental wellness:

  • Self-care routines: Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep can support overall emotional well-being.
  • Cognitive reappraisal: This technique involves reframing emotional experiences in a way that changes their emotional impact.
  • Social connections: Cultivating supportive relationships can provide emotional outlets and assistance in managing emotional responses.

Emotional regulation for the elderly

Seniors may face unique emotional challenges, such as losing or coping with health issues. Emotional regulation can support their emotional resilience:

  • Engaging in hobbies: Encouraging hobbies can provide an emotional outlet and a sense of purpose.
  • Relaxation techniques: Techniques like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation can help manage stress and promote emotional balance.
  • Memory recall: Encouraging the recall of happy memories or times of resilience can enhance positive emotions.

These strategies demonstrate how emotional regulation can be tailored to suit the needs and contexts of different age groups, providing lifelong emotional support.

Therapeutic approaches for emotional regulation disorder

While learning to manage your emotions is of utmost importance for your mental health, it’s essential to understand that difficulties can sometimes be referred to as Emotional Regulation Disorder (ERD).

ERD is often used to describe when someone consistently struggles to manage and respond to emotions in ways most people might find typical or expected. 

This ongoing struggle can interfere with daily life, relationships, and well-being.

People with ERD may experience symptoms such as:

  • Difficulty identifying, expressing, or regulating emotions
  • Intense and frequent mood swings
  • Impulsive and risky behaviors
  • Low self-esteem and self-worth
  • Poor interpersonal skills and relationships
  • Chronic stress and anxiety
  • Suicidal thoughts or attempts

The causes of ERD are not fully understood, but they may involve a combination of genetic, biological, psychological, and environmental factors. Some possible risk factors include:

  • Family history of mental illness
  • Childhood trauma or abuse
  • Brain abnormalities or injuries
  • Hormonal imbalances or changes
  • Stressful life events or circumstances

Emotional regulation therapy

ERD can be treated with various therapeutic approaches to help people develop emotional regulation skills and cope with their emotions in healthier ways. Some of the most common and effective therapies for ERD include:

Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy(CBT)

This therapy teaches people how to identify, understand, and manage emotions. It also helps them change their maladaptive beliefs and behaviors, contributing to their emotional dysregulation.

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)

This is a comprehensive therapy that combines cognitive-behavioral techniques with mindfulness practices. It helps people learn how to accept their emotions without judging them, regulate their emotions without suppressing them, and cope with their feelings without harming themselves or others.

Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)

This is a therapy that integrates mindfulness meditation with cognitive therapy. It helps people become more aware of their thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations in the present moment. It also allows them to challenge the negative thoughts and beliefs that fuel their emotional dysregulation.

Common misconceptions about emotional regulation

Misconceptions about emotional regulation often lead to misunderstandings about its purpose and effectiveness. By dispelling these misconceptions, we can promote a better understanding of emotional regulation’s true purpose.

Let’s clarify some common myths:

Emotional regulation means suppressing emotions

This is false because emotional regulation involves understanding and managing emotions, not suppressing them. It’s about finding healthy ways to recognize, express, and regulate emotions.

Emotional regulation is about being positive all the time

Managing your emotions isn’t about constant positivity. It’s about finding balance, acknowledging both positive and negative emotions, and responding to them in a way that promotes your well-being.

Emotional regulation means never getting angry

Getting angry when offended is a normal emotional response. Emotional regulation involves healthily managing anger, expressing it constructively, and addressing underlying issues causing the anger.

Emotional regulation is a sign of weakness or lack of control

You aren’t weak if you healthily manage your emotions. Emotional regulation demonstrates emotional intelligence and self-control. It helps individuals navigate emotions effectively and make thoughtful decisions.

Challenges with emotional regulation

While emotional regulation is a valuable skill, it’s essential to recognize that it can come with challenges. Let’s explore some common difficulties individuals may face and provide guidance for overcoming them:

Overwhelm and intensity

Managing overwhelming and intense emotions can be a significant challenge when practicing emotional regulation. It can be daunting to navigate through these strong emotions and find effective ways to regulate them. To address this challenge:

  • Practice self-awareness to identify early signs of emotional overwhelm.
  • Engage in relaxation techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness to create a sense of calm.
  • Seek support from trusted individuals or professionals to gain insights and coping strategies.

Lack of awareness

Difficulty in recognizing and understanding emotions can hinder effective emotional regulation. When you are not fully aware of your feelings, addressing and regulating them appropriately becomes challenging. To overcome this challenge:

  • Cultivate self-awareness by paying attention to bodily sensations, thoughts, and emotional behaviors.
  • Keep a journal to track emotional patterns and triggers, gaining insights into your emotional landscape.
  • Engage in mindfulness practices to develop a deeper understanding of emotions and increase self-awareness.

Resistance to change

Resistance to change can make it challenging to adopt new emotional regulation strategies. It is natural to feel resistant when trying to break old habits and implement new ways of managing emotions. To navigate through this challenge:

  • Start with small steps and set realistic goals to ease into the change process.
  • Practice self-compassion and patience throughout the journey, understanding that change takes time.
  • Seek support from therapists or support groups to gain insights and strategies for managing resistance to change.

External influences

Stressful environments or unsupportive relationships can pose challenges to emotional regulation. External factors can impact your ability to regulate emotions effectively. To address external influences:

  • Set boundaries and create a supportive environment that promotes emotional well-being.
  • Surround yourself with positive influences and seek out healthy relationships.
  • Develop practical communication skills to express emotions and needs assertively, fostering understanding and support.

Unhelpful coping mechanisms

Reliance on unhelpful coping mechanisms can impede the adoption of healthier emotional regulation strategies. It can be challenging to let go of familiar coping mechanisms and replace them with more beneficial approaches. To overcome this challenge:

  • Identify and replace unhelpful coping mechanisms with healthier alternatives that promote emotional well-being.
  • Engage in activities that provide positive emotional outlets, such as exercise or creative pursuits.
  • Seek professional guidance to develop effective coping strategies and receive support during the transition.

Final thoughts

Emotional regulation is a vital skill that can help you live a happier and healthier life. It can help you cope with stress, anger, sadness, and other negative emotions and enhance your joy, gratitude, love, and other positive emotions. Remember, seeking further knowledge and professional guidance when needed can amplify your journey towards better emotional regulation, fostering a healthier, more balanced life.

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